21st Dec 06
post by: Jason

I'm Done!

I have just finished the missions that we set-why did Diz, Justine and Spence not post?... hmmm, c'mon man bring it on! I still have some energy left in me ;-) Back to reality, I am more than un happy at the moment with my training and the missions tonight just made me feel even worse about my self because i really struggled with all of it. To get the 100 pistols out of me was like blood from a stone and i had to do it in 3s and 2s only getting to 70 with loads of little breaks, then i nearly gave up on the 30m sprinting count down press ups because it was making me so mentally week thinking about how week i was as i ran to the other end. It makes me feel so bad to think that i am supposed to be a Traceur and i have this pathetic level of strength, power, speed, fitness and technique, then because i had got into such a bad way emotionally i gave up on Ash's mission after the end of the running press ups down to zero- i didn't do the jogging back up to ten nor did i do the sit ups (I'm so cool)

Basically i am in a horrible place right now were i don't want to talk to any one about my training and i don't even want to train with any one any more because i see people like Joe and Guy from NG who i got stated in parkour and helped teach doing so much better than me and i just get this sick upset feeling deep inside me that makes me want to cry,(NO JOKE) i HATE IT!! This feeling is not just from parkour and the training, i just feel like i have lost direction in my life. I am going to use what little time i have over the christmas and new year holidays staying with my grandma to find my self and find out what i really want from parkour? I will use the new year as a fresh start, I will only be training on my own to help me keep focused from now on, It will be hard for me to train on my own all the time but i think its important so i can feel better about my self , my training and focus on who and what i want to be.

Safe Journeys,

Jason Matten.